Recollections of an Old (but young at heart) Oswestrian, circa 1952 - EPISODE 15, BIRDS, BEES AND BUNSEN BURNERS

It was on a slightly crazy, mad Monday morning in May that 'Daddy' Wynn, Head of Holbache and a family man with two children, decided to spice up his Biology lesson for form 1VA with a touch of reality. Little did I realise that I would be recounting this on the school blog a lifetime away in the future with a world still in the grip of COVID-19, a devastating pandemic, paralysing the planet.

'Daddy' Wynn is leaning over the bench, right of centre, in the Science Lab
(now the Music School)

During the 1950's, a particularly thorny issue, and one which proved to be a constant battleground between boys and parents, concerned matters of a tonsorial nature. Yes, the touchy topic of haircuts seemed to flare up at the drop of a hat and was a source of much needless strife in our household, as it seemed to be on our parents' minds almost daily. Surely, dad had much more important matters to deal with, like making sure he picked the right horse in the 2.30 at  Haydock Park on which to lose his shirt, or ensuring a sufficiency of whisky in the drinks cabinet for a Sunday session with our minister, who always worked up a thirst preaching fire and brimstone in the local Weslyan chapel.

Short back and sides (not a mullet or D/A in sight!)

Short back and sides were the order of the day and the photo above was a parent's delight. Three demon barbers arrived at the start of each term to wield their tools of the trade in a frenzy of activity, completely nullifying all efforts made during the holidays to cultivate an impressive quiffed 1950s hairstyle. Tonsorial skills are not in evidence here as, looking at the array of shaven heads on display, an Aussie sheep shearer would have been equally able to achieve this result. There is not an Elvis Presley, Rockabilly, or even a Jelly Roll in sight as I try to identify the faces behind the haircuts, which look as though they all arrived as a job lot from Del Boy in Only Fools and Horses. I wonder how many boys pictured here can recognise themselves? As a matter of fact, I do have all the names, and I will reveal them in a different photo next week.

 

John 'Curly' Robbie was justifiably proud of his coiffure and resented the close, cavalier attitude of this trio towards his treasured curly mop top, and he lingered long and hard behind the queue of boys awaiting haircuts in the hope that by the time he arrived at the sharp end their zeal would have dissipated somewhat. Alas, he would invariably be disappointed, as we all were, and on one occasion I suffered the indignity of being summarily returned to the chair of Sweeney Todd, as I called him, who was instructed to finish the job to the specifications of the Headmaster who stood by insisting on a closer cut. My dream of an Elvis haircut was temporarily dashed.

Elvis Presley

Returning now to my opening theme, Mr Wynn's domain was the Science Lab in which he taught chemistry, physics and biology. He was a very intelligent teacher who tried to make his lessons as interesting as possible, often holding a question and answer session as part of a period, and we were encouraged to ask any question we liked. He was very well read and could usually respond positively.

On one particular morning during the course of a biology lesson, Mr Wynn was gently probing our knowledge of the birds and the bees. This subject, to my recollection, was hardly touched upon in class, NEVER mentioned at home, and fared pretty low on the list of Mr Williamson's priorities; very 'old school', he probably took the view that everything would turn out right on the night. Whether 'Daddy' was tasked to do this with every form I am not sure, but at one point he stunned us momentarily by announcing that he would like to produce a slide containing living sperm, and were there any volunteers?

The Charge of the Breakfast Brigade or the start of The Triangle was nothing compared to the stampede that followed of boys trying to reach the toilet facilities, and for the second time in my school history I disappeared underfoot as the rampant pack tried to be first to help out the science Master.

My money was on the twins who were first at everything, but it was the wily 'Cobber' Walton (Health and Efficiency in his back pocket) who came in first place this time and claimed the bragging rights.

"It was", as he laughingly said, "all just in the line of duty. Somebody had to do it!"

 

From zero to hero in one fell swoop, Cobber, the class clown, had elevated himself to class benefactor, and we all took it in turns looking down in awe at the life-giving sight under the microscope as Bunsen burners hissed away quietly in the background.

It was not long before the ribbing began as we awarded him marks out of ten for style, presentation, and content. With 'Daddy' Wynn smiling benignly in the background, evidently pleased with his unorthodox approach, the room was soon reverberating with the sound of laughter. Cobber, back at the center of attention, just grinned broadly, basking in the glory of the moment, and we resolved to drink a toast to him later...……………….  it was his finest hour!

"CHEERS Cobber!" (taken in the School library)